24 months + 1 day
24 months and one day ago, I got on a plane.
I was heartbroken. I was crying (the ugly kind). And I was already homesick for the place I call home and people I call family (and the plane hadn’t even left the ground yet).
I couldn’t believe that I was being called away from everything I knew and loved and had worked to build, to a place I didn’t particularly care to go to (mostly because it was someplace other than Paris).
I sat on that plane and ugly cried, taking deep long heaving breaths to keep from becoming truly hysterical.
With every labored breath, I mumbled these words “I trust You. I. Trust. You. You are good.” over and over.
I was some weird combination of sad/frustrated/hurt/confused/hopeful because I couldn’t understand why God would call me away from a people and a place and dreams I had invested so much into…and because I knew I would have to begin again…and because I knew God would be faithful but I couldn’t see how…also because I knew that I would have to give expression to everything I said I believed…and I knew it’d be hard.
I knew I would have to prove myself, again.
Find new friends. Find a new path. Find a new job. Find a new house. Find a new church.
Find a new everything.
AND I would have to find a way to pursue the call God has on my life and a way to steward the gifts He has entrusted me with…with no idea of how or where or when to do it.
The last 24 months + 1 day
Have required me to be my most authentic self in an environment that wasn’t familiar (and at times down right uninviting), and then just trust that God would do the rest, because I trust Him and He is good.
Even on the toughest days, when I felt absolutely wind whipped and battle weary, I just kept repeating those words from the plane:
“I trust You. You are good.”
The months and weeks that followed that day on the plane were filled with more hard moments than I would have preferred…and more lonely moments than I would have liked…and DEFINITELY more uncertainty than I thought I could bear.*
Yet here I am.
Bearing witness to harvest days that I could never have imagined on that plane…
Still standing…but most certainly not in my own strength…but in His, because….
He is my Refuge.
The One I can run to no matter what or where.
If there is one thing that I have learned in these last 24 months it’s this:
- Declare the goodness of God in every season and circumstance.
- Speak His praise.
- Shout of His faithfulness.
Even if you aren’t “feeling it.” Just be honest with yourself that it’s hard…and Do It Anyways!
It will change you and your circumstances for the good.
It will refine you and make you better.
But most of all…
It will give you eyes to see the Hand of God at work in the unexpected places, and it will give you a heart that knows that the Love of God that surrounds you.
He is Your Refuge!
Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 126:5
*Just to caveat: There have also been extraordinary/happy/fun/good moments.